Have you thought about the core purpose of your wedding day? Why have you gathered this group of people? Perhaps your purpose is to have a joyful gathering that reminds you how much your people care about you. Or it might be to weave together family and friends from different parts of your lives into one community.

With your purpose in mind, imagine you’ve never been to a wedding. How would you create a meaningful ceremony from scratch that fits your purpose? What elements would you have? Now consider the weddings you have been to. Are there parts of more traditional ceremonies that match your purpose, that you’d want to keep? What would you let go of?

That’s a modern rite, a ceremony built around the two of you, not around a template. Keep the vows, skip the bits that don’t resonate, and add the thing you didn’t know a wedding could have. Every part is there because you chose it, and you can say why.